KIM FEARICK
My name is Kim, and I'm 41 years old (42 next month). I grew up on the east coast in New Jersey, and now call Salt Lake City home, I've been here for the better part of the last 14 years. I started experiencing symptoms of perimenopause about a year ago. I'm newly out of a long term partnership, and am committing to myself in a way that I never have before. So far my experience with perimenopause has been a wild ride! I would say I'm more excited about this chapter of my life than I've been about any that have come before.
When did you first notice signs of perimenopause, and what were the earliest symptoms you experienced?
Like so many other people during this stage of life, I had no idea that what I was experiencing was perimenopause until speaking to some of my older friends who had already been through perimenopause and menopause. What hit me first was the deep fatigue, mood swings and painful sex (which I first described as a decrease in libido). In retrospect, these things were all happening simultaneously, although at the time I would attribute the moodswings to where I was in my cycle at any given moment. The fatigue really hit me hard. It was unlike any tired feeling I had ever experienced. I describe it as a mix of feeling completely exhausted with a dash of that feeling you get when you're depressed and don't want to get out of bed, but so much more physically intense. I then started experiencing some significant brain fog, dysregulated body temperature and night sweats. In short, I thought I was going crazy, how fun!
How have hormonal changes impacted your mood, sleep, mental clarity, libido, or relationships?For me personally, it feels like this shift has touched every part of my life. At it's worst, my mood-swings take the wheel, and my patience hangs on by the thinnest thread. I have to write down anything I want to remember and frequently forget the most basic words. For a long time I was saying that my sex drive had plummeted but actually what I was experiencing was painful sex due to pelvic floor issues that start to show up around this time. Pro tip - painful sex during perimenopause doesn't just show up as dryness, it also has to do with our pelvic floor. I would HIGHLY recommend people do some research about their pelvic floor and what we're currently doing that affects our pelvic floor health. Initially, I shared my symptoms with my then partner, and also with my best friend. As I became more open about what I was experiencing physically and emotionally my best friend, who is 12 years older than I am, told me that it sounded like I was headed into Perimenopause. My relationships were seriously impacted, just like they are in any moment of emotional and physical transition. The romantic partnership I was in at the time I started to experience symptoms felt strained, especially before I could put a name to what I was experiencing. Not only were the changes sudden and sometimes felt like they took over, but I was also scared so I started to withdraw. Once I started doing some research and recognizing that all of these seemingly "random" symptoms were actually all part of a bigger picture I began talking about my experience to everyone in my life. Being able to share what I was going through was hugely liberating and so, so helpful. I was also shocked and angry that this wasn't being talked about and I kind of made it my personal goal to be as open as possible to anyone that would listen. I talked with my boss and the folks I work with, my mom, my brother, and all of my friends and acquaintances. if I was asked how I was doing and I felt like I was in a space that I could be really honest, I went for it!
What has helped you feel strong or grounded during this journey?
The strongest I've felt while going through this is when I'm in the company of other folks that have already been here or are currently in this stage of life. The kinship is strong. Not needing to explain myself or, what's going on, why I"m "off" or moody or exhausted is so empowering. Listening to older women talk about their experience and sharing my experience with younger women grounds me. For me, understanding is king. So reading books, listening to podcasts and doing my own research has been a game changer. It helps to shift the loneliness that I had initially felt to a sense of belonging to one of the most badass clubs there is. Once I was able to name it and learn about what's happening physiologically, I felt like I was given back the ability to take control of my life. I recognized early on that staying active, although it looked different than it did before, was absolutely critical. I've also been listening to my body when it comes to resting and what I'm eating. I started to get really curious, not only about what was happening to my physical body, but also the undeniable emotional and spiritual shifts that were taking place. My regular yoga and meditation practices felt heightened and more important than ever. Being able to simultaneously sit with what is, and move through it has become profound. Recognizing that this is a right of passage that we get to endure has completely shifted my ideas and beliefs around aging. While it's been some of the hardest days I've experienced, this moment in time has also brought with it beauty, confidence and clarity like I've never experienced before.
How has your identity—how you see yourself—shifted during this phase?
Initially, it felt like I was in crisis. My body was changing and there were somedays I didn't recognize it. How I ate and had exercised in the past were simply not working for me anymore. I spent (and am still spending) a lot of time with grief around what I've lost. I've also stepped into a new place of purpose that I'm experiencing for the first time. The clarity around what's important to me, where I'm putting my energy and how I show up in the world has at times caught me off guard. It no longer feels like I'm moving from a place of urgency, or that I'm running out of time, but rather that I've arrived in a moment that I'm ready for. I see myself more clearly. I listen to myself, body and spirit.
“Educate yourself. Trust yourself. Find your people. What you learn, share with others. And when all else fails, strip naked and lay on a cold tile floor face down :)”
What role does movement or exercise play in managing your symptoms or overall well-being?
Consistently moving my body in a way that feels good has become an absolute must. I don't look at exercise in the same way I used to. I appreciate my body more and what it's capable of. I'm more careful when I push myself. I also find that my mental clarity is directly tied to physical activity. I love to walk, be in the water, dance and do yoga. Even just the simple act of light stretching feels like a gift to myself. With that being said, I've also gotten very serious about listening to my body when I need to rest. I've become radical in my resting! There's so much to be said about simply laying down when your body asks you to, to do less, to just be. I also whole heartedly believe in keeping my internal world active. The role of my meditation practice during this phase of life cannot be understated. When we talk about groundedness, this is what I think of first. Yes, we need to be able to combat decreased bone density and build physical strength, and we also need to be able to slow down and sit with ourselves.
Have you made any changes to your diet or nutrition that have helped you feel better?
I cut out alcohol about a year ago. At the time it was unrelated, but now as I'm navigating this moment I'm so glad that I did. I'm very sensitive to caffeine, so I've gotten more serious about cutting out coffee, outside of the occasional treat. When I'm already running hot and feeling like my anxiety is increased the last thing i need is a cup of coffee. When I first started experiencing symptoms of perimenopause I was eating a mostly plant based diet, and how much I would eat in a day was all over the place. Now I've started to add in more animal based proteins and just more protein in general. Mostly I try to be more intentional with what I'm putting in my body, and making sure that I'm not skipping meals. I've seen a huge difference in my energy level.
What has been the hardest or most surprising part of this transition so far?
I think the hardest bit has been the feeling of loss that has come with this season of life. There is a felt sense of what aging truly means that I'm experiencing for the first time. I've really worked with grief. Letting all the feelings come up, and sitting with them, learning from them. The most surprising part of this experience is how clear I feel. I'm more proud of myself than I've ever been. I trust myself more. I'm loving this most recent expression of myself. There's something very powerful that comes with navigating all of this wild newness, the ugly and the beautiful, and recommitting to yourself. I've had three words that have lived with me for the last year or so...clarity, surrender and expansion. I know that's a direct result of this time in my life.
What would you tell your younger self to help her prepare for this phase of life?
What do you wish someone had told you earlier? What words of truth or comfort would you offer?
Educate yourself. Trust yourself. Find your people. What you learn, share with others. And when all else fails, strip naked and lay on a cold tile floor face down :)
